Reflections on a sleepless night
I like to keep myself busy. I’ve found I’m happiest when I have a pile of things to do and am working through them, ticking off little achievements to fill the day. I make to do lists for everything and pretty much run my happiest days by them. Days when I don’t have something to do are uncomfortable at best.
This is changing, I’m now realizing. Little ones don’t live their days against a to-do list, they simply are. Dani, for instance, has been an amazingly good sleeper for months. Now, she is beginning to have a sleepless night every now and then. And last night was my night to stay up with her until around 2:30 am. She wasn’t necessarily fussy, she just wasn’t tired enough to go to sleep. So we played, we snuggled, I fed her a little bit more formula (hate for an empty tummy to keep her awake), and we enjoyed living moment to moment for several late hours.
Ironically, I had pointed out to Jenni at 9:30 last night that our Saturday evenings used to be just *beginning* at that time rather than winding down. I guess I got what I asked for!
Shortly after my pre-arranged "shift" ended, Dani fell asleep and stayed asleep until morning. It may sound strange, but I’m very relieved that all night long I never felt put-upon or exasperated (which I’m likely to do if I spend time without feeling like I’m really *doing* something). We really had fun being together. It was an evening where the right thing for me to do was to give myself over to being a parent, so I did. Selflessness doesn’t come naturally to me, and it’s being fun to practice. And having an adorable little girl who giggles as she’s falling asleep in your arms makes it just that much more fun.
